Tuhy posted on May 18, 2015 01:09
I’ve limited my years and years of research on this matter to only HRL teams from Eagan for this in-depth analysis. Not because in the first three years I’ve been in the HRL so far, the only Hopkins teams still in existence that I have played are the Nationals and the Giants, but mainly due to the fact that there is nothing worth mentioning in life that comes from West of Saint Paul.
Reds
First things first, let’s start with everyone’s “favorite” self-appreciating team from Eagan, the Reds. The Reds have built their team under the standard format of an old-school wrestling faction. They work as a team to slowly take down their opponents (constantly putting the ball in-play, solid pitching). They have old guys, young guys, guys that are here just for the paycheck, guys that are chasing past glory. So I think the perfect wrestling comparison is…. Evolution.
Ric Flair is Palpatine
Triple H is Seuss
Batista is Hardball
Randy Orton is Handsome Mat
Not pictured here are Wole and Pooh Bear
Phillies
Next up are the Phillies/Padres. They broke loose from the old system in Hopkins and joined the up and coming city in Eagan a few years back and made an immediate impact. They have a roster that looks great on paper (even though deep down inside everyone knows they are slightly past their prime), but every once in awhile they can still put on a great show. They realize that their core has seen their better years, so they have added some younger talent to do the majority of the heavy lifting (running relentlessly). So I think the perfect wrestling comparison is…. New World Order.
Hogan is Shirls
Kevin Nash is Nine
Scott Hall is The Kid
Konnan is JC
Buff Bagwell is Seabass
Randy Savage is Coop
Curt Hennig is Madman
Ted Dibiase is Quick
Pilots
Next are the Pilots. They are led by two great forces in Box and Rex. These two alone are a scary force to deal with, and any contributions from anyone that they are aligned (teammates) with make them unstoppable. So I think the perfect wrestling comparison is…. Acolytes Protection Agency.
JBL is Box
Faarooq is Rex
Not Pictured here are J-Zilla, Lemon Cake, Majestic Blast or Neighbro
Astros
Next up are the n00bs, the Astros. They are all in their rookie year in the HRL, so no one knows what to really expect from them. Since I have never actually seen them play yet, I’m going to assume that they are full of young talented guys who could take over the league in a few years, or they could all be gone in a quick summer, it’s too early to tell at this point. So I think the perfect wrestling comparison is…. Nexus.
Any of these guys could actually be any of the Astros. Can anyone prove that wrong yet?
Yankees
Next are the Yankees. These guys were a great group of guys in the past, but they clearly made winning their priority in the offseason. They let a few players go, and went out and got some of the best free agents available this past year. Time will tell if they can all work together and still have a great time. Rocket has been around for awhile and has put together his best lineup to date it appears. So I think the perfect wrestling comparison is…. The Corporation.
Vince McMahon is Rocket
Shane McMahon is Torpedo
The Rock is Old Yeller
Big Bossman is Willie Mays Hays
Ken Shamrock is Rocky
Gerald Briscoe is Santi
Pirates
Next up are the Pirates. With some of their members being kicked off their former teams, they are working together to upset the balance of the Eagan East Division. The first goal of this team will be to earn the respect that they might not have been shown by Vince McMahon (See above) and to go to war against the Yankees since Amon and T Mac were both part of the Corporation (Yankees) in the past. So I think the perfect wrestling comparison is…. The Union.
Mankind is T-Mac
Ken Shamrock is Amon
Test is Knuckles
Big Show is Ham Bone
Not pictured here is Grant or Ryan
Marlins
Next are the Marlins. These guys may not be the greatest team ever assembled, but they are definitely here to have some fun. They are all friendly guys, and they have no problem supporting each other or cheering each other on. They are well known to wear some of the best costumes (uniforms) in the league and they really enjoy looking good on the diamond. So I think the perfect wrestling comparison is…. Spirit Squad
Kenny is T.T.
Johnny is Schnoogens
Mitch is Neut
Nicky is Fedawg
Mikey is Tax Man
Not pictured here are Catfish or This Guy
Kardinals
Saving the best for last, we have the Kardinals. This entire squad grew up together in the great city of South Saint Paul. They also think very highly of themselves and have been known to dress up on occasion for matches (wiffle games right after work). In their heads they are truly not given enough respect, but once the playoffs start, the H8R’s are always proven right, and they can’t really hang with the big dogs. So I think the perfect wrestling comparison is…. Mean Street Posse.
Pete Gas is Tootin
Rodney is Meesta
Joey Abs is Boom
Not pictured here are Fish, Walla, Victor, and Cobra Kai