merkong posted on March 24, 2018 23:34
Birds Fly into Camp...
Eagan, MN
One of the newest and likely least experienced teams in HRL Twin Cities, the Orioles of Eagan East, flew into camp this weekend at an undisclosed, top secret location according to Birds skipper Merkong.
As clouds gave way to rays of Spring sunshine, the Orioles manager gripped and regripped a freshly unpackaged wiffle ball, toeing an imaginary rubber in an abandoned parking lot as he did so. “It’s hard to believe you can get such movement on these things. I’ve got a ton of throwing to do over the next few weeks if I’m going to figure it out.”
It didn’t matter that Merkong and team owner Lady Bird were the only ones that made it to camp on time and Merkong was quick to downplay the absences. “There was snow in the forecast until late last night. We’re not worried. I can tell you one thing, these guys are not hold outs. They know better. After they spend the summer playing wiffle ball with the Orioles, they’ll be begging for a roster spot next season.”
Merkong and Lady Bird opened training camp with a little shopping, picking up the organizations first two bats and several accompanying wiffle balls.
The team has their official signing day in mid April complete with contract review and inking, official player introductions and the doling out of nicknames, a traditional poker tournament which historically marks momentous occasions within the annals of the organization, and a barbecue.
Team officials state the club will be ready on opening day. “We’re not expecting to win the division or anything. We simply want to find our mojo and hit our groove just in time for Wifflepalooza. I do think though that we’re going to surprise a few folks.”
The team has high hopes for its entire rookie team which includes hopefuls Skyscaper, Beardo, Too Cool, Neutron, and Rumpshaker. The clubs skipper Merkong is being billed as both the teams ace on the mound as well as its deep threat from the plate. “I don’t run like I used to”, said the incredibly ripped 50 year old who is not H8ter’s dad, “but I still have quite a good wing, I’m as wiley as hell and have gone yard over 1,000 times on the slow pitch diamond. We’ll just have to wait and see. We’re excited.”
An unnamed source close to the team paints an even more positive picture. “I think if they can sign at least one more legitimate player, they’re going to do well. Better than expected. They want to come in as the “underbirds” they want teams to look past them. That’s their strategy, lull teams into a false sense of security. That and their growing legion of fans who call themselves “The Birdhouse”. Their fanbase is already billing itself as ruthless and willing to take the friendly taunt to a whole new level. It’s going to be fun.”
Win lose or otherwise, the Orioles are already considered as a perfect fit for HRL Twin Cities.