By: Epstein
The following are thought and takeaways from the NWLA Tournament from our very own Epstein.
Just know I truly appreciate all the hard work everyone put in to make this tournament happen.
This is all in good fun even though your feelings may get hurt by my boujee scale.
I was dishing out food reviews all weekend long and was urged on by teammates to channel my inner Gordon Ramsay and post this article. Here is everything I ate this weekend reviewed:
Friday morning
Blueberry Crisp Cliff Bar- 9
The rare blueberry cliff bar is the best, followed closely by chocolate brownie.
Friday lunch
Buffalo Wild Wings Cheeseburger- 5.9
“B-dubs” is a terrible restaurant. If you disagree with me then you probably have inferior taste buds and should stop reading this article. The burger was what I expected from them, subpar. A typical frozen burger. If the beef is frozen, it will never receive a rating over 6.
Friday dinner
Hot dog- 5, Burger- 4.7, Potato salad- 2, Cookie- 9.5
The complimentary dinner was rough, being typical concession fare. Hot dog was gas station-like, though it had that concession stand nostalgic touch and I probably could’ve put down like 4 in a row. Burger was subpar, cheese was just an unmelted kraft single. Melting the cheese on the burger would’ve brought it up to a 5. Potato salad didn't pass the eye test so I passed on tasting it (I believe it came from a milk carton) . Cookie saved the day though, I worked at a bakery for 9 months and that was the best cookie I've had in the past year. Amazing.
Saturday breakfast
Blueberry Crisp Cliff Bar- 9
Saturday snacks
GIANTS Sunflower Seeds: Kettle Roast Dill Pickle-8.5, Original-8.8
If you aren't from the midwest you may not know about Giants. Giants are hands down the best sunflower seeds out there. They crack nicely, have hearty seeds, and a proper amount of flavor which lasts longer than other brands such as Bigs and Davids. Davids is absolute trash. Bigs has some nice flavors, but the flavor quickly leaves your mouth like Juicyfruit gum , revealing a low quality seed and shell.
Saturday lunch-
Italian B.M.T.- 7.6
The bread was above average, sandwich was what you expect at Subway. Service was timely and efficient, especially considering the rush they were in. A slightly above average Subway experience. sidenote: You’re lame if you order a personal pizza at Subway. Subway's slogan is "eat fresh" why go there and buy a frozen pre made pizza? Might as well go buy a gas station pizza and save yourself a couple bucks, same quality.
Sunday dinner- pulled pork sandwich 6.1
After Two Bat's gem vs KWL, we were invited to have some pulled pork sandwiches by Sessions. It had a homemade charm to it, though the pork wasn't fresh from the farm which is what I expected out in the country. Couldn't smell any pork, a sign of artificial preservatives and low real pork concentration in the meat.
Saturday late night snack
Buffalo Wild Wings fries- 7
Seuss, Hardball, Yeller, and myself returned to the Adrian “B-dubs” Saturday night and were welcomed with the warm service of Kelsie. Hardball was cut off after one beer because his face was looking red ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gh1yhyafU1k&feature=youtu.be ) but Kelsie had his back and was able to convince the rest of staff that he was in fact fine and able to drink. Kelsie was then invited to come watch our DE game the next day, but she overslept and missed Epstein’s DM. Still, she is probably the best waitress in all of southeast Michigan. The fries were below average, but the service brings the rating up to a stellar 7.
Sunday breakfast
Oatmeal Raisin Walnut Cliff Bar- 6.2
Not the best flavor out there. Has a pretty bad aftertaste.
Sunday snack
Airheads- 9.1
Eating airheads before and during games has been a tradition since the days of lil Epstein. Cherry, Blue Raspberry, and White Mystery are the only flavors worth eating. And if you like Orange then you're a psychopath. Airheads are a quality candy, affordable for all even though it is just an elastic piece of sugar.
Sunday lunch-
Wendys 4 for 4 (Junior Bacon Cheeseburger)- 8.9
The Wendys 4 for 4 is the best fast food deal out there. Incredible value. The burger is fresh never frozen. Bacon is above average, not too crunchy, not to soft. They also serve a great cup of lemonade. The burger is no Five Guys though this rating is based mainly off value.
Sunday dinner
Brisket Mac n Cheese- 5.4
Back at the Four Points Sheraton hotel in Detroit, the pasta was mightily overcooked, which ruined the whole dish. Also their hot tub was closed which sucked. That was literally the only reason we booked there.
Monday breakfast
Quaker Chewy Chocolate Chip Granola Bars- 4.4
Quaker makes the HRL of granola bars. They're always around, have lots of variety, you always expect them to satisfy you, but every. single. time. you are let down and reminded they don't have the formula quite right. Needs something else to bring the rating up.
Misc.
Umpires- 8.7
HRL didn’t have any issues with umps this year and from watching other games I didn’t notice any huge complaints. Nicely done, thanks for coming.
Grass- 4.5
This one is mother nature's fault, but a grass lover like myself was disappointed in the grass quality. Too much yellow and not enough green.
Periscope quality- 1
Uffda
Morenci- 6.2
I thought the city was gonna be a trashcan based on what everyone was saying, though I was honestly pleasantly surprised at the size. Main Street had that small town charm to it, if that’s what you dig. There were stores and food within walking distance. Though I think the host committee has been amping up this whole "the city loves the tournament, they'll all come out” too much. Mippey signed zero autographs so it’s safe to say there were zero fans there.
Chatter- 2.3
Stop saying "let's go!!!”. Come up with something original.
Uniforms- 7.9
Every team had a solid uniform. I like to call this the "Steffes Effect". Trent Steffes has influenced the uniform scene since 2014 and is now contributing to it by designing and producing many of the uniforms seen there. All star/HR derby threads were above average and the state print on the sleeves was a sexy finishing touch. Let's clap it up for Trent.
Ball boys (and girl)- 8.2
They did a fine job. I tipped a couple kids for keeping the balls fresh.