Nightmare’s Week 2 Power Rankings

by Nightmare--

If you’re expecting a read even 10% as interesting as last week’s, just do yourself a favor and close your browser right now.  That being said, let me answer the questions I’ve gotten repeatedly since last week:

1. No, I haven’t seen Endgame yet.  Wednesday, 12:05pm, Alamo in Woodbury. 
2. If I were there, they would have scored 100.
3. Yes, I’m glad I wasn’t there.

Anyways, Week 2 Power Rankings.  Theme-less, sorry, I blew everything I had last week (that’s what he said).

1. The Rays started the season pretty meekly.  Scoring a measly 31 runs and only managing 13 HRs.  I don't know how they're going to stay on top of the league if they can only manage to win games by 11 or 12 runs…  Seriously though, they hit 13 bombs in 8 innings.  Think about that.  They get the Chihuahuas this week and that match-up isn’t even worth discussing.  (Previous Rank: 1)
2. I’m assuming The Mets got rained/snowed/swamped out.  Doesn’t matter, still the #2 team in my book.  Until 5/20 when they maybe hand the Rays their first loss(es) of the season?  They get the Gigantes this week and I expect them to get off to a good start.  (PR: 2)
3. Dodgers swept the Bears week 1.  That shocked no one.  Last week I said Psych/Epstein were struggling.  That was dumb.  But I also said they'd combine for 60 HRs and a sub-2.00 ERA in 2019.  They're on pace to hit 126 HRs.  So that part was smart.  Up next, the Iron Pigs.  I expect Psych and Epstein to continue their quest for 126.  (PR: 3)
4. I liked the Yankees (a lot) coming into the season, but I saw a few things last week that made me like them even more:  1) Rocky is making me look like a genius.  Like Alicia Keys, that boy is on fire!  Hitting like a boss.  2) Torpedo looks (and is playing) ten years younger.  3) Their rookie (sorry I don't catch his name) looks like he's ROY material.  4) I saw Old Yeller smile.  Marlins are up next for the Yankees, ugh...I never look forward to facing those guys.  (PR: 5)
5. Welp, it's a good thing for the Reds I don't factor in sportsmanship when ranking teams...  If you haven’t heard, they scored 80 runs last week… but still hit fewer HRs than the Rays.  See my previous comments about whether or not the Reds have the offense to run with the big boys.  Up next, the Orioles.  Whatever.  (PR: 4)
6. All I know about the RubberDucks, I learned in Spring HRL (and looking at stats this morning).  Face has a ridiculous uppercut swing.  Zabka, aka Daddy... how do I say this... his base running needs improvement.  Stache, he can pitch a little bit.  Ducks' music: bottom 5 in the league easily.  I continue to like these guys after they had their way with the Seamen...  I'm actually thinking these guys get better over time, which is scary.  Braves are up next, I'm looking forward to see how the Duck’s pitching does against that line-up.  (PR: 6)
7. Americans dropped 11 on Thunderson?  That doesn't sound right.  They silenced Vlade (0 hits, 4 walks).  That sounds about right...  Americans are off to a good start.  Mariners up next, I'm almost curious to see what happens when you get this many millenials in one place... but not really.  (PR: 8)
8. Boom, boom, boom, BOOM.  Like the Vengaboys, Boom is back in town.  I'd bought into the rumors that he was done (as in not playing, not talent-wise).  My bad.  If he's back full-time (or even mostly time), the Kardinals will be even more dangerous.  He pitched very well and launched a HR to deep center, into the wind, that went about as high as it did far (it went pretty far).  And if that isn't enough for you, ladies and gentlemen, I give you Edward Bauer.  Although late to the rink, he came to drink beer and hit dongs.  He did both nicely.  Finally, watch out for Hoss.  I don't know what looked better last week, his luxurious mane, or his pitching.  Whalers are up next for the Kards.  I could (and will) predict the Kards tee off on the Whalers and the bird seed, it'll be a flyin'.(PR: 10) 
9. The Marlins might be reconsidering the Nightmare acquisition this week.  The ONLY good thing he brought to week 1 was his neighbor, Shipwreck, who caught ALL the wiffleballs.  I hear the rookie has already cleared a spot on his mantle for the Sticky Paw award.  This wasn't a typical Fish outing (I hope) but I'm confident they'll improve... but I don't know if it'll be this week versus the red hot Yankees.  (PR: 7)
10. The Braves dropped 2 games to the Americans.  But Chops hit career HR 363 and RBI 948.  Thunderson got beat up a little bit, which is unusual.  The Braves are better than this, but it'll be tough to prove this week against the RubberDucks (PR: 9)
11. I haven't said much about the Twins yet this year.  They play the Mets next.  (PR: 11)
12. Things the Whalers brought to the rink week 1: delicious beer, candy, new jerseys, "vintage" HRLers.  Things the Whalers forgot to bring: pitchers.  Despite a frustrating week versus the Yankees, I am holding out hope that the Whalers can be the "Uncle Drew" of the HRL.  Now, I never saw the movie, so I may be way off.... but I'm thinking it's about a bunch of old timers who regularly kick the vape smoke and instagram filters out of a bunch of young wipper snappers... I'd like to see that.  Unfortunately, the Whalers need to find some pitching to do it.  Kardinals are up next.  I kind of hope they just turn it into a launch party and combine for 15-20 bombs.  (PR: 12)
13. Up next for the RoughRiders, the Rays.  Good luck.  (PR: 13)
14. Gritty.  Seamen.  Meat grinder.  All words I used to describe the Mariners in previous posts.  I don't know if I'll have any better descriptions over the next few weeks.  Americans next.  Then the Mets.  Their early schedule is doing them no favors.  (PR: 15)
15. The Giant’s pitchers combined for 25 Ks week 1.  That's good, right?  I mean, it was the mostly new Chihauhaus, but I'll still count it as a good sign.  Mets this week, then the Americans.  I don't expect this kind of dominance to continue, but it's a good thing to have pitching in this league, so it could lead to good things for the Giants.  (PR: 16)
16. I have no idea what happened with the Pirates last week.  Bears up next.  (PR: 17)
17. The Professor kept the Bears in the game versus the Dodgers, which isn't an easy thing to do.  Especially when they're rolling 3-deep and you face Epstein and Psych 2 out of 3 hitters...  Professor, well done.  Game 2… sometimes just throw away the game tape and look ahead to next week.  Pirates are up next.  No idea what that means for the Bears.  (PR: 18)
18. I'm sure no one was shocked that the A’s swept the Orioles, but hopefully it's a sign of good things to come.  No HRs?  I hope Kong is addressing that and getting his kids into the weight room during recess.  Also, MacGruber threw a 1-hitter.  That's impressive no matter who you're playing.  The Lugnuts are up next... if any of them come back after last week... (PR: 19)
19. No stats entered.  Nothing on the MB about the Iron Pigs getting 80-runned last week.  They play the Dodgers Thursday, so maybe this week…? (PR: 20)
20. I said this would be a team to talk about… unfortunately I was waaay off on WHY we'd be talking about the Lugnuts....  Giving up 80 runs in a series is bad (although scoring 80 runs is worse).  However, I still have faith in Shirls.  Fact is, if Shirls pitched half the games and Nine the other half, they'd put up a fight every week...  But will they?  Do they want to?  My guess is no.  Consider my faith shaken, but this was only one week and things can only go up from here?  I'm curious what Shirls and his nuts do next for a splitable (winnable?)  series with the As next.  (PR: 14)
21. Chihauhaus.  Move along, nothing to see here… Rays up next.  (PR: 21)
22. Swept by Kong's Kids last week.  The only interesting thing about the Oriole’s matchup this week against the 80-run Reds will be watching how the Reds will try to convince us dropping another 40 runs on newbies was unavoidable.  (PR: 22)