Nightmare’s Week 3 Power Rankings

By Nightmare (obviously)—

1. (4-0) The Rays are good.  I get it.  You get it.  Who cares?  No one.  I’m just glad they’re not super cocky about it… oh… wait.  Roughriders are next on the chopping block.  (PR: 1)

2. (4-0) The Mets are #Winning…  But no Webby, Hondo, or Seabass yet this year.  That's concerning.  Mariners on Thursday.  (PR: 2)

3. (4-0) The Dodgers beat the Iron Pigs a couple times last week.  That's not exciting.  Pirates are up next, they're a surprising 3-1 team right now, and maybe they can be the first team to challenge the youngsters.  Probably not.  (PR: 3)

4. (3-1) The Yankees are looking solid this year.  Every hitter is a tough out and they don't make mistakes often.  I'm still curious to see how they complement Old Yeller on the mound, but it may not matter if they keep hitting like they have been so far this season.  Kardinals up next.  (PR: 4)

5. (4-0) The Reds 10-runned the Orioles (twice).  They have the A's this week.  Yawn.  (PR: 5)

6. (3-1) The Rubber Ducks held the Braves to three total runs in their series last week.  I think that is impressive… maybe the Ducks can actually pitch a little.  On another note, Zabka (aka "Daddy") is hitting .474 and having seen him play, I have NO idea how that's happening...  Roughriders are up next.  (PR: 6)

7. (4-0) So…  I said the Americans didn't have a Cy Wiffle caliber pitcher or a guy who could hit 20+ HRs.  I looked at stats this morning and I see Jet Plane has five HRs already and Knooty Booty dropped a no hitter on the Mariners (in my defense, I also said the lil' Booty was pitching his arm off this spring).  I'm not crowning any Yellow Slammers or Cy Wifflers just yet, but these guys are definitely off to a strong start.  (PR: 7)

8. (1-1) Dear Kardinals, Get your stuff together and start entering stats!  I have no idea what they've done since Week 1.  They play the Yankees next and I expect that to be a good series.  (PR: 8)

9. (2-2) The Marlins have split two series with the Kards and Yanks and will likely split again Monday against the Whalers.  That’s all you get today because I’m finding it difficult to stay objective.  (PR: 9)

10. (2-2) Giants swept the Chihuahuas and then got swept by the Mets’ B-Squad.  I'm not sure what to do with this team, but I bumped them up quite a bit because I get the sense (from watching 0.0 seconds of their games) that they'll be able to pitch a bit and keep games close.  Also, a lot of other teams are not playing well right now.  The very tough Americans are up next.  (PR: 15)

11. (0-0) I have no idea how The Roughriders haven't played yet and we're 3 weeks into the season…  Rays are next…  I have no idea what's going to happen…  I mean, probably the Rays sweep pretty easily.  (PR: 13)

12. (1-3) A rough start for the Braves so far, but it gets easier this week with the Chihuahuas on the schedule for week 3.  (PR: 10)

13. (3-1) I have no idea how the Pirates are 3-1...  I mean, I do...  They played the Pigs and Bears so far.  That maybe makes it a little less impressive, but 3-1 is a good start for any team.  And maybe T-Mac and the Rats can keep finding ways to win.  Dodgers are next... so probably not this week though.  (PR: 16)"

14. (4-0) I got to see the A's first hand last week.  No, I didn’t swing by the local elementary school, I got to see them take care of business versus the Lugnuts (who were mostly without Shirls).  Kong has put together a nice little/young squad.  MacGruber was a smart addition as I saw him coaching up the youngins on several occasions.  That being said, they're pitching has a way to go and I stand by my recommendation Kong get his guys memberships to Gold's gym.  The Reds are on deck and while I don't expect the A's to win a game, I'm curious to see how competitive they can stay against one of the league's best.  (PR: 18)

15. (1-3) This seems like a pretty high ranking for the Bears, but it seemed wrong to rank a team lower than this when I predict they will be a 3-3 team at the end of the week.  Iron Pigs are next and they've… been struggling.  (PR: 17)

16. (0-4) The Twins have played four times this season and play the Americans next.  (PR: 11)

17. (0-2) Hey Whalers, Sanchez saaaaaays, "ENTER YOUR STATS!"  Marlins are next.  (PR: 12)

18. (0-4) The Mariners only managed one hit in their series with the Americans.  That's not what gritty, meat grinding seamen are supposed to do.  I expected more from these guys.  What the hell Squirrel?  I'm calling you out.  DO BETTER, stop making me look dumb for believing in you!  Mmmmmets are next.  (PR: 14)

19. (0-4) Ugh.  New team name.  New names on the roster.  I don't even have time to deal with the Iron Piglets right now.  Oh, I saw Joel grew a beard, so obviously he's hiding from someone.  Bears next.  (PR: 19)

20. (0-4) The Lugnuts dropped two more to Kong's Kids.  Good news though, they kept their scores within a touchdown each game.  These guys…  I hope they had as much fun as it looked like they were having.  Orioles up next in a battle of meh.  (PR: 20)

21. (0-4) There is nothing I can say about the Chihauhaus that the Ray's twitter account hasn’t already said much more meanly (and funnier).  Braves up next.  (PR: 21)

22. (0-4) It took a long time to think of something positive to say about the Orioles… so I stopped.  They play the Lugnuts next and the ONLY good thing about that matchup is that at least one of those teams will finally get a win.  (PR: 22)