Nightmare’s Week 4 Power Rankings

By Nightmare (obviously)—

1. (6-0) The Rays are struggling.  For the first time all year they didn’t 10-run a team… either game.  Obviously this is the beginning of the end…  Just kidding.  They play the Bears/Lugnuts Thursday and I really REALLY hope the Professor is the first one to hand the Rays a loss this year... but I wouldn't bet on it.  They'll be ready for him this go round.  (Previous Rank: 1)

2. (6-0) "Dude, where's my team?"  Is something JC must be asking himself… but maybe not, because when you can alternate between JC and Taco on the mound, you're going to be in pretty good shape.  Statistically, the Mets aren't where I thought they'd be, but at the end of the day, they're undefeated... but heading into a tougher stretch of their schedule (in my opinion, probably not in theirs).  Roughriders are up next (Monday), and I still have no idea what they're about.  Then they play the Dodgers/Reds (Thursday) in what could be their toughest night of wiffling all season.  (PR: 2)

3. (6-0) The Dodgers didn’t dismantle the Pirates in their last matchup like I thought they would…  Like I think they thought they would.  Epstein lost his cool a little bit too, which I've never seen before...  I'm not sure if they were overlooking the Rats or maybe just had a bad night... or maybe the Rats are a better team than we thought...?  Whatever the case, the kids are still undefeated, and will probably stay that way for at least a little while longer with the Orioles up next (Monday).  More interesting to me is what they do against the Roughriders and Mets (Thursday).  (PR: 3)

4. (7-1) The Americans took two close ones from the Gigantes.  Looks like they're hitting pretty good and pitching pretty good so far.  And Jet Plane is playing really good I guess.  I don’t remember ever seeing him before, which is odd because I usually notice talented dudes, but he's having quite a year.  He and the Americans continue to surprise/impress me.  The Athletics will be a (surprising) challenge this week.  The Whalers?  We'll see.  (PR: 7)

5. (7-0) Undefeated, but dropping a bit in the ranks.  WTF?  The Reds struggled to take three from the Athletics.  Maybe the kids are that good, or maybe the Reds have gotten fat off a cake start to their season (yes, I’m very proud of that little bit of word play)… I'm sure they'll rebound (from an undefeated start?  I’m hardly making sense here), because they always do, but... this sort of outing just isn't making me more confident in their offense just yet.  The Mets and Roughriders are up next and should be a difficult test for my favorite former team.  (PR: 5)

6. (5-1) It took a jack off, but the Yankees swept the Kards, which is no easy feat.  The offense has slowed down since exploding on the Whalers week 1, but they've managed to score enough for W's and I think they'll get back on track against the Ducks/Mariners this week.  (PR: 4)

7. (3-1) An early bye week last week for the RubberDucks, who are apparently afraid of a little rain (that’s supposed to be a joke about rubber ducks and water, but I’m pretty sure I swung and missed pretty bad).  I expect them to put up some runs against the Chihauhaus (Mon) and Orioles, but probably not against the Yankees (Thur).  (PR: 6)

8. (4-3) What kind of team gets swept (3-game series) and then gets a huge bump up in the rankings?  Kong's Athletics.  That’s who.  They looked deep into the Red abyss and didn't flinch.  Although they got swept, they played the Reds tough.  I don't typically believe in "good losses," but in this case I'm making an exception.  Let's hope they can keep up their solid play against the Americans/Braves this week in the kids' first taste of interleague play.  (PR: 14)

9. (3-3) First year Marlins manager, Neut, made a costly mistake last week, which lead to the Fish splitting yet another series with Whalers.  Most will immediately point to the baffling decision to pull Nightmare/Box from the rotation in order to start TT and Shipwreck?  But no, TT took care of business (allowed only 2 hits and struck out... zero?)  and the rookie pitched much better than expected.  The true mistake, one I expect Neut will keep making, is letting Nightmare play the field.  One of his humiliating errors last week was followed by a Toonces bomb and cost the Fish the game.  Don't be fooled by the stats (they’re fake news if you ask me), this guy has at least 4 errors on the season, and they are all very embarrasing.  He’s a liability in the field!  The Pirates are up next, and they're playing well.  I think this will be a pretty good series.  I hope T-Mac is there.  (PR: 9)

10. (3-3) Maybe I do believe in good losses, because the Pirates had a couple versus the Dodgers.  The Rats hung in both games and I think that came as a surprise to Epstein and Co.  Milton pitched well in game 1 and hit a couple bombs off Epstein.  Ulysses struggled, but I think he threw well enough to have beat a lot of other teams in the league.  He added a couple bombs off Psych as well.  They really played well if you ask me.  However, I think the most impressive thing the Rats did was frustrate the bejeezus out of  Epstein (2-for-14, 1HR).  The kid is a great hitter and the Pirates (almost) shut him down.  That's the kind of pitching that catches my eye (and makes me a little nervous), since the Pirates take on the Marlins tonight.  (PR: 13)

11. (2-4) The Kardinals got swept by the yanks, but it took a jack off to beat Boom (who threw a 1-hitter).  There seems to be a power outage in Kardinal-town, but the pitching is keeping them in games.  That's not what I expected from this team, but I think it'll be back to the good old days this week as they play the Iron Pigs Monday... so I reckon Tootin' will be out restocking the birdseed Tuesday morning.  (PR: 8)

12. (2-4) The Giants have now lost four in a row after a 2-0 start.  Aside from one bad game against the Mmmmmets, the losses were all by a run.  Mippey called it, and I’m starting to believe… the Giants can pitch a little.  I hope that they can start drumming up some offense to help their pitchers.  They play the Mariners next, which should help.  (PR: 10)

13. (1-3) Not the start the Braves were hoping for, but they played a solid couple teams to start.  I think things are looking up though, with the Whalers/Athletics on deck this week.  These won't be easy, but they are winnable games.  The first in an easier upcoming stretch of their schedule.  (PR: 12)

14. (1-5) The Twins won a game and they play the Lugnuts/Bears this week.  (PR: 16)

15. (0-2) Clearly, having two extra weeks to prepare for their season didn't help the Roughriders.  Granted, it was the Rays, but...  I don't know.  Is there any insight to gather from a couple losses to the best team in the HRL (and Griz)?  Probably not.  Mets (Monday) and Dodgers/Reds (Thursday) are up next…  What a miserable way to start the season.  (PR: 11)

16. (2-4) Whalers split with Marlins last week...  I've struggled since then with how to summarize the experience.  Some thoughts: 1) the Whalers are a "fun vacuum;" 2) they have found a way to weaponize misery; and 3) the verbal abuse these guys take/distribute (amongst themselves) may eventually warrant a wellness check from Eagan PD.  It was a rough night, and I know none of that is particularly wiffle-related, but it kind of is.  Maybe it's a strategy, and if so, it worked against the Marlins (in my opinion)... so be warned.  I guess.  The Lugnuts get the Whaler treatment this week (Mon) followed by the Americans and Braves (a little reunion of sorts!).  (PR: 17)

17. (1-3) Bears head to Hopkins Thursday to see the Rays/Twins.  The Bears could sweep or get swept, neither would be particularly surprising to me!  (PR: 15)

18. (0-4) The Iron Pigs have not done much for me to try to turn into an interesting comment… or even a not-very-interesting comment.  I looked at some stats for their upcoming match-up versus the Kards and I'm predicting...  Tootin (short right) 5 bombs on Monday.  (PR: 19)

19. (0-6) The Mariners.  I really wanted to rank these guys last, but I didn’t.  They may end up being my worst pre-season prediction…  Squirrel…  I mean, come on man!  Maybe they can NOT lose against the Giants (Mon) or the Orioles/Yankees (Thur).  (PR: 18)

20. (2-4) The Orioles finally won, but this will be a short winning streak with the Dodgers (Monday) or the Mariners/Ducks (Thursday)...  Well, maybe they'll beat the Mariners...  I was going to make a joke about contraction, but instead I'll offer this idea: starting in 2020, all expansion teams are put into the same division, like a "developmental division."  That way they can kick each other around, win more than 0 games, and get a year to play a lighter schedule before getting stuck in a division with the Reds, Dodgers, Rays, or whatever other team is just going to kick 3 different kinds of crud out of them all season...  (PR: 22)

21. (0-4) The Chihuahuas, whatever…  Are you still thinking about that great idea I had?  I am.  The Developmental Division?  Stick all the expansion teams in whichever city makes sense, probably Hopkins (because no one wants to play there).  After a year, if they stick around they can come to Eagan, if there's room...  Maybe include other teams that struggled the year before…  I like this idea.  It may be the best idea I had since it occurred to me to leave the Reds.  Oh yeah, Chihauhaus play the RubberDucks this week.  (PR: 21)

22. (0-6)  Lugnuts… not quite an expansion team with Shirls/Nine… but still primed for the Developmental Division next year…  Truck, put your best people on this idea… In other news, they almost won a game last week… almost.  Also, having just reread this article, I use ellipses WAY too much.  Anyways, my attention is obviously drifting, as I’m sure yours is… Lugnuts play the Whalers (Mon) and Twins/Rays (Thur).  (PR: 20)