This idea came from Keeks (several weeks ago). It took me some time to get around to it because I’m lazy and had better things to do.
I’m hungry, it’s almost lunch time and… well, a longwinded introduction isn’t going to make these very mediocre rankings any better.
Enjoy. The HRL as Urban Dictionary entries.
Time for jokes…
24. BEARS (0-23)
Having an extremely large team of people who don't ever show up.
It’s a bear roster, 13 people on the team, yet they couldn’t find 3 to show up.
23. LUGNUTS (0-24)
The act of bringing fun to a given situation, “luggage” plus “the nuts” (the best hand in poker).
“I wasn’t going to attend All-Star night, but then I heard Franklin will be attending. Dude will lugnut all night.”
22. EXPOS (3-21)
A team that gets rid of all their young players in order to be “fun,” but fails to get any players voted into the Fun-Star game.
21. MARLINS (5-21)
To collect a group of players full of potential, only to see that potential evaporate due to multiple injuries and family obligations.
"What happened to them, they had so much potential?"
"Oh, you didn't hear? They got marlined."
20. MILLERS (7-17)
Individuals who mill around the rink rather than running around the bases providing run support.
[Is that my first ‘run support’ joke of the year? Of the week?]
19. TWINS (10-16)
The state of having done something so long, the results no longer matter.
“You twin some, you lose some.”
18. TRASH PANDAS (9-15)
When a new or unknown player joins the league, has a great season, and then leaves that team for a better one.
“Tatis is awesome. Will he be on your team next year, or is he going to trash panda?”
17. BRAVES (8-16)
A team management style that focuses entirely on offense with no regard for pitching.
16. CYCLONES (9-16)
The state of leading a city in both striking out batters and being struck out as batters.
15. MARINERS (11-15)
[I’m lazy and this is my last one to finish, so you can build your own joke!]
Use the following to make your own funny:
Seamen + marinate
Enjoy!
14. METS (11-11)
The act of reading an article religiously, but later claiming never to have read it, or to even know (or care) it existed.
13. BLUE WAHOOS (12-12)
A group who, on first glance appears normal, but upon spending any time with them demonstrates, without question, that they are anything but normal. Oftentimes associated with alien conspiracies, shark obsessions, nonstop gibber gabber, and overuse of hashtags.
12. HOPS (12-10)
1. The art of pretending to be a drinking team in order to lull teams into complacency, just to reveal at the last moment that they aren’t only a drinking team, they’re also a wiffleball team.
2. Slang for “get in.”
Groundskeeper Willie said to Nightmare, “Hops in my beautiful Toyota 4Runner.”
11. AMERICANS (13-9)
To be average.
[I was going to use this joke no matter what, but then I looked at their stats. As a team, they rank between #9 and #12 in almost every statistical category. That’s fun.]
10. SPACE COWBOYS (14-8)
The act of assembling a bunch of cool dudes together to start a band… but then deciding to start a wiffleball team instead.
9. YANKEES (16-10)
A hug.
“Hey, I haven’t seen you in awhile, come give me a yankee.”
[oh wait… that sounds… inappropriate...]
8. RUBBERDUCKS (16-8)
To be distracted by something else. Like the distracted boyfriend meme.
“Cakes is an All-Star pitcher, right?”
“Nah, his great win/loss record got rubberducked.”
[I think I missed on this joke, but I know it’s in there somewhere…]
7. TOURISTS (15-11)
Starting a team in a city you don’t want to be in with hopes of switching cities at the end of the year.
6. VIBES (18-8)
That feeling you get after ordering a bunch of pasta to the rinks on a hot night... and eating it all.
[I’m really struggling to finish these and I apologize.]
5. REDS (19-7)
The assembling of an extremely talented team (and Nightmare) that you then place in an extremely non-competitive division in an attempt to come off as fun, but resulting in all statistical achievements being scarred with an asterisk.
[Keeks wrote this one… I don’t like it. Or him right now…]
4. CHIHUAHUA (19-5)
One who has the ability to draw someone in with a compliment, only to turn it into a scathing, hurtful insult.
Mippey: You’ve got two homeruns tonight, what are you doing differently for the playoffs?
Nightmare: Nothing.
Mippey: Then why were you so bad in the regular season, but you’re good tonight?
[This is based on an actual conversation that I play on repeat in my head pretty much every wiffle night.]
3. ACES (21-5)
Saving the best for last, often in terms of a last minute comeback.
“The Reds were up 5-1 in the fifth, but then got aced. Final score 9-8.”
2. RUMBLE PONIES (21-3)
A “dark horse,” underdog. A competitive team that is quietly winning a lot of games and could rumble into the World Series.
1. GRASSHOPPERS (24-2)
[This one is actually from UrbanDictionary.com]
Getting your b@lls kicked in at any sport.
The Grasshoppers grasshopped the ‘Nuts last week.
[not very funny, but I am lazy and it was low hanging fruit.]