Shirls posted on August 18, 2005 15:49
Q & A with "Dutch"
Fourth installment of Cheese. Here comes Ryan! Who's that? You may know him as rapid quipper "Van" on the MB – or you may know him as Dutch on the wiffle field or in an Antelopes softball jersey. He is the resident slugger (11 HR at press time) of the upstart HRL Dodgers. With a flair for the dramatic and possessing a solid comedic gene, Ryan looks to be a fixture in the HRL for years to come. Voted a Fun Star by his peers in his inaugural season, he lived up to his award by peppering Cota with firecrackers throughout the Fun Star game. He has also been known to show up to play games in intimidating GI Joe jerseys.
Van was raised in Garwin Iowa (pop 530) and had decided by age 16 that he would be leaving town for the lights of the big city. He played wiffle ball as a kid in Iowa where the natural environment created a makeshift Green Monster to take aim at. He is single but professes that it isn't due to a lack of manwood. He went to college at Central College in Pella Iowa (where he played CB for the football team – and also explains why he is always tackling people) and later at the U of M which has led him to his ideal job as an ad exec at Fallon. He likes this job so much he has even missed 3 wiffle games because of it. He currently resides in super-hip Minneapolis.
Q: What is your biggest strength and your biggest weakness?
A: My devastating good looks are at once both my biggest strength and my biggest weakness – or my giant balls.
Q: Favorite moment this year in wiffles?
A: Either our 15-13 game against the PADRES! in game 1 of the season or my 4 HR night against the A's.
Q: Most embarrassing moment of the year?
A: My 4 error game against the Orioles which was captured on video for all to see. I wasn't even drinking.
Q: Who do you least like to face so far in the HRL?
A: I don't like to face the Mets – but I have to also say that Sanchez is scared to pitch to me.
Q: Favorite Pub Crawl memory?
A: I don't have any memories of it.
Q: Mayo or Miracle Whip?
A: Mayo
Q: Favorite 3 movies?
A: The Big Lebowski, Dr, Strangelove, Tombstone
Q: Favorite 3 bands or musicians of all time?
A: Henry Rollins, Johnny Cash, Tom Waits
Q: You are stuck on a desert island and can only pick 3 unlimited foods – what are they?
A: Porterhouse steak, Fritos®, Freezy Pops (red)
Q: Beverage of Choice?
A: Sprite with extra sugar
Q: Favorite MLB player of all time?
A: Don Mattingly he was both clutch and automatic
Q: Soccer? Thumbs up or down
A: Thumbs up, MLS has a way to go but the English League is tits.
Q: Hockey?
A: Thumbs up, Even though I'm not a native I love the game. Need to learn to play it though.
Q: Britney or Christina?
I wouldn't "have relations" with either - even with Bork's dick. Nasty.
(ok, I would but I'd have the doctor's appointment already scheduled)
Q: If you could make one band or musician go away forever who would it be?
A: Since John Denver is already dead I'll say Ludacris
That's all there is to know about Dutch. The next Side of Cheese is forthcoming – we will be heading back to Eagan to profile another HRL veteran.